of fat, chaos and intrusion: I believe Anorexia Psychosa
to be a most misunderstood disease, as some of the
characteristics labeled �sick� are actually healthy or at
least appropriate reactions to the system and predicament she is in:
feelings of constant encroachment. In this section I will illustrate
this point and up-level the status of the much-maligned and
lonely anorexic: full and food fears, isolation, insulation, cerebrotonia, ectomorphy, food discipline, order and routine,
fasting used as a device to overcome, black sheep separation,
aversions of lustful advances and aggression combined with
eventual celibacy, separation from female culture, and her
perception of many as frogs and toads (to the refined anorexic
they seem carnal, absurd, obscene and vulgar).
INTRO TO SOCIETY AND GROUPS
The issue of
anorexia relates to much larger issues about society and groups:
systems theory, how people act in groups, how females are expected to
conform, the implications of sexism in family-groups-church, what its
like to be an ectomorph in a endomorphic-mesomorphic world, the signs
and reactions of healthy individuals to domination, the acculturation
process and how people take it for granted as mundane reality, what
they do to outsiders or those who think differently, how female
culture treats unique women (i.e. those who refuse to conform to the
banal--those fashionable current �truths� which are simply fads of
thought) and what it means to be politically-correct and what happens
to those who are not. I say anorexia is the reaction of a
hypersensitive who is aware of all of the hurtful nuances of humans in
systems and that the characteristics below are just appropriate
adaptation to that set-up. I contend that the anorexic doesn�t
recover--become a mature lady--until she acquires the Diet of
Freedom: insulation into her own stream.
can't move when out of the energetic groove. It is very
inefficient to be full: all the energy is dragged down to the gut out
of the head. As a birdlike
engine, to the anorexic this can be a terrible �drag.� East
Indians laugh at how Americans are always eating and thus bringing
energy down to the gut. It makes no sense, since keeping that energy high is where you
get the genius, the inspiration,
the brilliance as the spirit of God comes through, as well as the
overcoming power over herd resistances to strength. Fasting is a
matter of synaptic clarity--for pure conductivity to the source.
What becomes addicting is using food as a means of handling low self-esteem:
eating when one feels �put down�. The energy is taken out of the
to avoid the conflict between the real (how we see ourselves) and
the social (how others see us) image.
Eating is avoidance and thus
becomes very addicting: As her situation with family and
world degrades, her eating disorder gets worse since its
function is a coping device.
binges so her self-esteem will be tolerable but when full or digesting
she loses this power and purges to regain it. Fasting soon
solves the self-esteem problem through a much more transcendent,
happy view of life. The anorexic knows this and comes to use
fasting to stay �on top� of things.
life is about war. For self-defense alone she/he knows the
power of a clear brain, an elongated head, a beautiful face drawn taut
from the fasting process, the sense of accomplishment that brings the
necessary boldness to effect others, the spiritual elevation, clarity
and inspiration--all from fasting. Fasting is not a
group is sick: the eaters to avoid and stultify or the fasters to see
and create? This culture is not into fasting�it is
Dionysian, not introspective, so those who go inside are labeled
�sick� so the others can maintain their delusion that �they need to
eat.� The anorexic has fasting consciousness--the others tend
towards swine consciousness.
Even as a
child the anorexic sees the relation between food and discomfort like
bloat. Being birdlike he feels the effects of food far more than
heftier peers. They can eat anything and feel little difference
while everything he eats seems to bring fatigue (energy down from the
head) or strength-sapping bloat. He begins to feel that
�all food is poison.� At first he rejects all food but fruit,
which seems pure. But all-fruit creates cravings and mood swings
leading to binges and uncontrollable anger--and great
suffering/reverberation in the network.
wise woman won�t stand for that and ends up on a diet of
non-sweet fruit and fauna which creates stability and suppresses
appetite for long periods of fasting while still maintaining slimness.
Tthe recovered bulimic need never be seen eating again nor is it ever
necessary to purge [an unnecessary drain, a sin and shame without
phobia is rational in a herd made mad from wrong foods and obsessions. GMOs, pesticides, starches: once one finds the problem it is wise to avoid
it. If she was bulimic she likely gave herself hyperinsulinism
and suppressed immunity so as she matures beyond bulimia she may avoid
sugars and starches to keep insulin down to eliminate mood
swings, constriction, water retention, puffiness, hunger and craving,
depression or fatigue. She seeks health and wealth
through food restriction for it
can never be gained through undisciplined eating. Food
phobia is good, true and very wise. It�s the difference between
a great day and a damned day, so efficiency is not a disease and with
bad food she cuts all ties.
Its hardly a
cerebrotonic culture and few embark on an inner journey. As the culture
gets more superficial and shallow it also gets more carnal and
vulgar--there is a wider gulf between the inner-driven anorexic and
the fattening culture at �large.� It is disconcerting being a tiny
hypersensitive amidst the bigger and grosser who all seem to be
dominating her life and telling her what to do.
As a cerebetomic she
hates domination: as the mesomorphs control and the endomorphs
gossip, she feels squashed. Naturally she seeks isolation and delves
into her own reality for even when they fail to find a flaw they
forever pull the age card. There�s no winning in crowds or clans when
envy�s all around.
The anorexic is
constantly feeling the
tyrannical constraints of relationships.
As she matures she learns how to manage this disposition for a
pain-free life. The issue is remaining
invulnerable, achieved by being inaccessible and distant. The control devices that others
see as normal she experiences as suffocating and cruel. As the
social culture cajoles her to go out and do more, her solitude becomes
ever more desired, inspiring and peaceful.
He feels set apart�sanctified,
even holy--though persecuted and despised. It is solitude that
develops intuition and if maintained despite all resistances (the
conspiracy against privacy) he will win every time. He is
following the steps of history�s spiritual giants spending years
in the desert wilderness. His true friends help him to glory in solitude and grow
in intuition not �correct the condition� of �social anxiety
personality disorder�. How many genius cerebs have died through
suicide or drugs due to this misdiagnosis we will never know.
the hypersensitive, to
insulate from chaos is enlightenment: a safety valve, a survival
skill, a protection of one�s own reality. If self-defense and
assertion creates problems (as in a big family) insulation is the only
self-defense. Her emotions are magnified in their presence as
she takes the misfit status, for on every nonverbal level she is
disqualified and she knows it. It hurts being psychically
attacked by the dominant male view of moral righteousness at her refusal
to conform which is seen as �sin�.
As the anorexic matures (and having
been alone longer) she is surely marching to a different drummer.
That is good--for she�s a walking potentate of something big and so
needs more holy separation and insulation from those elements
advising her to join, co-mingle, socialize. It�s really hard
adapting to all those lies!
Any joining would only restrict what is brewing under the surface, if
allowed to develop on its own accord.
The mature anorexic has had it with groups siding against, mocking or
stigmatizing her differences.
Only solitude suffices
for concentration and creativity. For the unique cannot
conform to groups without cutting off parts of self. It hurts to
tolerate stigma status, so being alone is bliss. The conspicuous are
caustically and constantly misjudged in social cultures, so the
recovered anorexic must insist on privacy--for the human herd is
tireless in its malignant scapegoating and gossiping.
the mature anorexic learns to expect it he finally holds his head up
high above the problem, for to not overcome the human element is
to die--this is one illness only maturity can overcome. If he
doesn�t die he becomes the best in which all now invest. He
shapes up by overcoming the herd�s tendency to think like all
one mind, by becoming a majority of one.
is one of the major factors in maturity: most people cannot
sustain it as they run to others for confirmation. A famous
female may be hated, but despite the hostile multitudes if she�s found
the True Self she can lead through aristocratic reserve:
She maintains an inner circle of confidants and a poised, noncommittal
and distant though cordial outer circle, and through this
comportment she finally experiences true abundance.
engine--the ectomorph--is just
naturally cerebrotonic, desiring
solitude when the �bigs� desire company.
He has a vertical relation to creative power while the others relate
horizontally to man. It seems a continuous petty fraternity party
with him gratefully excluded: He senses chaos and disorder of
the modern world where children lack discipline and as it grits
his nerves he
either worsens or isolates into golden productivity.
He was born
way: the ectomorph
has far more surface-to-mass area with the lymph and nervous systems
predominant. He is �wearing� his nerves and becomes whatever
effects him as the social situation becomes acute, chaotic and
Being so small and easily ticked-off, any added weight becomes an
intolerable burden so the immature anorexic becomes unstable,
uncertain, unconfident, touchy.
She dreams of future prosperity to
transcend weighty systems bogging her down just when she feels up.
She feels this ecstasy when alone with just God and her own
identity--so reclusion becomes a must, as important as protein in
keeping her structured and sane. With her, less is more and might does
not make right. The ectomorph must learn the principals of
non-reaction: let solitude and silence fight all battles.
She was normal
as a toddler but later the anorexic is labeled
�perfectionist-overachiever� as in this era champions are
denigrated--yet victims have status. She demands
discipline in all things especially food since weight irritates a
touchy system. Most dieters get rule-sloppy, and the �rulish�
are seen as neurotic. Without rigid food discipline one never
experiences the great rewards of doing so, yet to the herd laxness [no
discipline] seems �righteous�.
really wise to eat anything without fear of the consequences--since it
affects one's attitude, appearance and work? Only in a lax
liberal society where children hate discipline and chaos reigns.
To soar to the heights you must be rigidly concerned with food
combining, sources of food, insulin elevation and periods of fasting.
Yet this is seen as orthoexic. It doesn�t matter bliss or
beauty--to the slovenly socials discipline is sick.
ORDER AND ROUTINE
of chaos. It is hardly neurotic to see that chaos is hell and dirty
disorder or that order and discipline brings happiness. But in the
new age of lax-seen-as-freedom it seems neurotic and the anorexic soon
learns to hide her rigid routines. If living with others less
inclined she may be sabotaged or deliberately messed up to �help her
For the structured anorexic, living with others can be a
harrowing experience and will surely end in relieved isolation. Her
high goals are only possible when free to be a �strict methodist� of
military-like routine and order and this means being alone. Going
deep with God means saying no to many surface things--then it�s her
soul which sings.
FASTING AS A DEVICE
wants is what
everyone wants: love, acceptance and space--and in a social
culture this is only possible through solitude. If that�s
not possible she�s learned that fasting works for beauty,
self-confidence, wit and transcendence; and that eating and digestion
only brings the energy down--a tremendous loss. Fasting has been
used in all religions since the beginning of time--it�s the universal
device to get to God�s power and is always followed by reward: like
resolution to a problem, overcoming an enemy, success, health.
Dionysian generation of anything-goes
you�re-not-going-to-tell-me-what-to-do rebellion against all authority
including legitimate rules or decisions --fasting is definitely
a lost art. I once joined an Atkins discussion list on the
internet. They were all for eating meat, as much as you want and
as many times a day as you want, yet when I mentioned combining it
with long periods of no-hunger fasting they angrily threw me off the
list. It was extremely telling, for the joys of fasting
ecstasy and bliss is lost in this me-now generation of nothing deeper
than the taste-trip. The anorexic knows the joys, extreme
efficiency and sacred spirituality of fasting and this is her grace
and blessing--not her disease.
BLACK SHEEP SEPARATION
slowly or quickly edges into outlaw or black sheep status from the
group as he reacts adversely to what others see as �normal.� This is
difference enough but adding those of eating habits--like food
restrictions or fasting--completely sequesters one from the group.
Whether in family neighborhood or office the ana easily evolves to the
conspicuous or cat�s paw. Like any stigmatized position every
act becomes caricatured through misjudgments and gossip--such is the
plight of independents acting to truth not conformity, to whom all
groups side against.
knows about insulin and refuses the bread she becomes a sore thumb in
circles valuing the �norm�. All groups and female culture at
large act the same way. If you refuse to conform they mimic,
mock, deride, hate and slander. Stigmata is the price of
choosing your own nutrition. This is the story of her life and
the reason she finally refuses to compete on their turf--but remains
home-centered where her reality is in control.
AVERSION TO LUST AND
Does the anorexic
feel superior? Well maybe just more refined. Being
cerebrotonic he prefers privacy, and lust and aggression are terrible
vulgar invasions of the fine. His motto is �stay fine�stay
free.� In his primitive state he sought love to deal with family
rejection, but when mature sees how it then turns destructive and
controlling. As he matures with high boundaries it�s �hands
off�. This defines the new gentleman whose boundaries are
very hard won.
sick relationships-used-as-emotional escapes while gaining strength
and recovery through God is the precedent of success. The
war-torn battleship often ends in celibacy which is marriage to the
highest with no mortal infringement. Sex means officious
invasion and distraction from the goal--her highest calling. As
a priest once said, �celibacy is like a garden which after watering
becomes more beautiful each day.� She just wants to sleep (in
readiness for the next day�s hyper-creativity) when she hits the hay.
SEPARATION FROM FEMALE CULTURE
There�s the herd
(cultural conformity), then two sub-herds (male and female). There is
far more allowance for uniqueness in the male herd while female
culture is a massive impediment to genius. Feminists may say �women
should get up, become, succeed�. But once one does the hens begin to
peck and peck to death. This dates back to paleo times as all
through the centuries females compete for males�to be part of the
�superior class�. Female competition is a real and cruel
thing and often the worst sexists are so-called �feminists.� Am I being cruel here? Well
like the notion of cruelty itself this is a veiled fact which
may take a recovered anorexic to see. Suffice it to say that
many ambitious women end up trusting only men as friends and their
sisters the least of all.
PERCEPTIONS OF FROGS, PIGS OR
or a Gentleman
To the stringently
orderly anorexic encased in cerebrotonic peace and rigid diet
restrictions the world seems a mess, a monotonous
mistake, a monster. The
frog symbolizes the �bed-hopper�: how easily they chum-up together!
Social hall religion she will never understand: the world of banal,
bothersome, busybodies seems out-of-touch with their own bodies and
bloodstream. They meet, they eat, they cheat, and
while the body loses logic it becomes �loose�: a lush, a leech,
a lecherous lazy louse. Is she leery? Yes, so she
makes lists and learns to love herself and the most refined,
which is God or a Gentleman.
The lonely anorexic sees
through them all:
The pig is
the epitome of swine consciousness,
the opposite to self-restraint,
let alone fasting.
The hippo symbolizes the agitator
cannot leave well-enough alone. He gets a little restless and must
hit, hate, harass and huff to make his presence felt. The hippo hates
her hard-won and hallowed humming-along in her own stream. Does she
hate people? No, she�s only a realist who can only take the throne
after forgiving it all.
happens to both sexes. It's mostly about the broken relation to
society and mistaken identity in dense herds. Wrong eating
affects everyone and body type means everything when it comes to the
food life. The Dark
Night of the Soul was felt by all Saints in history, just like Job.
When in darkness never light your own fire through people, habit or
food but just stop work, fast and wait on the Lord.