From Gabbing and Gorging to

The True Lady is Gentle Worldliness,

not Worldly Grossness



I have found a brand new life experiencing each DEEP moment and I've  never been more creative.  Each day and hour is flamboyant and lucid with new sights and sounds.  All this intensity comes after much difficulty and pain, but a midlife transformation changed all that and now my elder days are packed-in with ecstatic enjoyment.  To partake of this bliss one must be strong enough to discount--not take on--the cultural perceptions of aging as an inferior state. We must also know that True Mature Beauty comes  from repentance and a contrite heartthen cosmic radiant joy off the chart.  




In becoming adults we sacrificed parts of self to adapt, but with age these voices clamor for expression.  If in retirement we surrender the social image, we can now fish from the deep. Now longings and untapped reservoirs are revealed, for unlived lives are like ringing doorbells we refuse to answer. 


 We stop the ringing by distractions like TV but still it screams from the pit:  voices of the explorer, the creative child, the student begging for attention, the repressed desire to speak outto finally have clout. 


When ignored these betrayed voices go underground, making us  seek out the town or just succumb to being unsound.  But when in retirement pressures recede and time becomes endlessly unstructured it all comes to the surface starving for attention.  Having refused the call of destiny (to choose the inner voice over the outer) now we must complete its call.


If we cant realize unlived life, we should shift awareness to the hidden blessings in the path we took.  Now we see our history couldnt have been any other way:  For example, I felt shame for food problems but with age began to see it as destiny so I could write books on food, fasting and recovering from compulsion. 


I could tell the world my war story and how to gain victory.  I could develop a diet and routine to banish disordered eating  from many lives.  So why feel shame?  With repentance we gain famethats the game as God turns all bad to all good for those letting the self be tamed.




As elders we re-assemble life  in three parts:  recontextualizing, forgiving and reclaiming unlived life.   In so doing we reshape  our experience to see the unique character, charm and meaning of that unique (once-in-a-time) lifedespite the weird, ridiculous and unforgivable things we did. 


Most of us received hot potatoes from the people shaping our original templates as we   inherited judgments, fears and restraintsand these in turn shaped our (often absurd) behavior.  In this last life phase we forgive it all while going far deeper--as eldering work examines the template, changes its form and contents and then heals relationship grudges.


This inner repair expands self by transcending the petty I and re-connecting to nature and Godan expansion bringing real joy and anxiety-relief.  Life turns out to be an organic process created by God to enhance us and make us strong, and this global awareness instantly releases cynical depression:


What a joyous experience--accepting the inevitable rightness of how events unfolded, marveling at the living work of art weve  become as the spirit completes us.  No matter what, it was right!  Wasted decades?  No way for these circuitous paths taught us the most.  No matter how bleak and painful they created the perfect stewwho we are today, the highest display.




When we were young we let groups construct reality and these implants degraded our life from the opulence it could have had when going inward.  Now were better off solo with just a few people with whom we interact.  Then the True Self can really alight as we substitute  negative cultural stereotypes of aging for  positive universal archetypes of elder dignity instead.


To get to the joyous universal, give up on the cultural.  In universal fairytales  age brings  richness as  meaning continues to expand.  With this true maturity, ones inner amplitude (receptivity to the moment) goes deeper so the past collapses and each moment becomes pithy with rich meaning. 


But in this cultural view  age is narrowed vision, uselessness, disease and lost meaning.  We must never identify ourselves through cultural stereotypes but only via universal archetypes for all cultures are sick to a degree:  Only the transcendent is richly relevant (truly mature) human experience.




Universal aging (oriental aging) is a positive increase into more meaningful wholes.  I call this belle aging, connoting increased beauty and symbolizing rings-a-bell:  speaks with hitting the nail on the head wisdom.  We ring-a-bell in the collective unconscious because we are universal archetypes recognizable to all. 


 This is true dignity,  having cut away all superfluous elements (culture-race-gender) from the core of the True Self.  We are belle-gorgeous, belle-recognized though never seen before.  We become the well-known unknown--a uniquely one-time-in-history event.  The I is a symbol of eternity, its image encrypted on the moon. 


Belle aging is a sage getting better every day with no envy of youth.  Facing death instantly dissolves all the guilts and shames of this temporal life, and freed of these major psyche blocks the elder is grand:  a joy to be around as he helps others through the shame and guilt from being youthfully outer-directed.




Gorgeous belle aging comes from personal firepower:  the  explosive vibes that out-dazzle mere anatomy making age irrelevant.  Belle aging is pure personality built through years and character: rarified charm, a special presence growing with the years. 


True sexiness has nothing to do with age unless one defines sexy in the most stereotyped and boring waysuperficially or culturally (a stud yet still Elmer Fudd).  From the human point of view sexiness is a manifestation of personality and character, not of prowess (the way we view lower animals).


In and of itself the sex act has little to do with the aura of sexuality a man or woman  projects.  Rarified charms grows as the years write on the face and this is sexiness.  Character, personality and aura are hard-won and take time like a fine wine.


                     AGELESS   ALLURE


Take the ageless allure of older movie idols:  artists and media heroes seducing the world through the camera.  As they grow older their special presence grows, not dims.  Each one is a master of his own craft and masterful men are sexy.


The central paradox of this charisma is non-dependence on aggressive super-sexuality.  What was most winning about Cary Grant was his indifference to such--his muscles never gleamed but his wit sure did:  subtlety was his style.  He gave fun its proper high status and in its pure form, fun is rare.


Innocence and subtlety are achievements of time.  Having witnessed evil and vulgarity the elder increasingly chooses the purely refineddry wit, not the gross pits (George Burns not Howard Sterns).




Limitless zest doesnt wane.  Who else but the elder makes well-being so subtly attractive?  Who else so rarely succumbs to self-pity?  These aged humans are never boring but with an infinite capacity for surprise--more  growth, more zest.


 We must grow as ageless children or pay more for remaining adult.  The mature man learns to ceaselessly dare, setting out on new adventures, a picture of the manic energy of youth but with  more unvarying excellence, fascination and experimentation with time. 


Though not eternally young, he is eternally ageless.  For him growing older means triumphantly growing into his own skin--no ones ever bored in his presence.   When aged neither vanity nor narcissism dulls his appealfor he has a right to it as one who relates to spirit (his own and Gods).




The older human knows when to talk, when not to and when not to argue with a lush or a louse.  As ego recedes he has learned not to fight but to rise above.  He tries not to provoke and has learned the fine art of walking away gently.  Having transcended cultural stereotypes he can see across race and gender lines.  He is of the worldhe can truly communicate.   The mature elder talks poetry or he doesnt talk.


No matter what he "looks" like, the mature human possesses supreme self-confidence and this style is the man or woman.  Due to panoramic vision he understands love when most complicated, terrifying, hilarious and true and he can love women at their worst:  driven, obsessed or threatening.


Younger men are always judging stereotypically (old-young, male-female, rich-poor) while older men have seen too many surprises for that.  A woman is freer with the elder:  as he ages he is more her model for his panoramic vision.  The appreciation of true mature beauty comes with age as when free of habits that blind he can see eternity. 


Those who cling to sin to curb anxiety (from aging and stereotypes) succumb to the cultural view of beauty which abandons nature and then  oneselfmore  so with age (hardly a sage).  But those who face the reality of nature  become their own  worlds rage.




The best thing about the older man is his ability to appreciate the older woman.  Belle aging in women shows elegance and sweetness together--the rare lady.  The true lady  is gentle worldliness not seduction or feminism!  The older man sees eternity in her for she represents it all in one ever-changing symbol:  always-lovely, well-groomed, long-married, durable, reassuringly stable, home-and-heart devoted, responsible, respectable. 


She loves everyone in her charge. The man who loves this wife is the most revered and together they make the royal couple.  A good example is Joanne Forsythe, an adored wife called my lady with reverence--a real sense of adoration for what the wife can do.  Her husband constantly provided settings in which the world could see what he saw in her. 


These older men are the best role models for floundering husbands for  due to their long marriages, mellowed-out-maturity and honest affection their strong male presence is expanded.   Thats all any Queen ever wanted or demanded.  A faithful loving husband is the best man ever landed!




These older men could have all fallen victim to the social stereotypes of age  but they didnt allow themselves to.  Their eternal charm lies in being more  themselves as the seasons pass.  Their victory over time is to embrace it, for their character and personality increases with age.


Self-confidence takes the prize as they disprove all stereotypes about age and lost sex appeal, for self-image grows from years of interacting with others.   Those in the know see older as betterits the difference between a social rat and an Irish Setter.   If  men want to be reallyauthenticallymagnetic (i.e. sexy)  they should heed the advice of this letter.




The same holds true in the arts.  The older writer is invisible:  he is only the vessel through which inspiration comes.  He is out of the way yet ever-present: a present from God, an exemplar and yet a paradox whom few know and many may hate. 


Being above logic, gravity and age he is paralogic---known and controlled only by God who makes no sense to carnal man.   Even he doesnt know why he  writes what he does--he just does it without question in each moment and this is the highest possible path.  He has given up reasoning and just acts from instinct made more  automatic through the years as he releases society.


The older human  represents eternity and universal (not cultural) truthsthis is true wisdom.  With time habits dissolve which maintain the ego and thus he is more humble,  more loved.   What did his  ego create when young?  By the herd he was shoved.



Lucid Life Review


For women aging is particularly hard.  Having received their worth from childbearing years now past  they mourn this loss but then enter a new joyous phase  of coalescence--a postmenopausal stage which goes very deep. 


As  everything  learned to this point comes together they come to their summit, and this cues the  fascinating phase of life-review  with intense lucid recall of  sights, smells and feelings.  


Capturing these little gems  is many times more interesting than outer entertainment.  These little sparks of  recall may only bore others, for like fasting,  prayer or recalling dreams they should  be enjoyed alone.  If I were to recount these reviews to a friend I would miss the next jewel sparked in consciousness.




The crones are postmenopausal single females who are either never taken seriously or burned as witches (too psychic or they "use herbs"),  or they are respected as loving harbingers of new life--health and wealth.  Gentlemen love them, for the crone is a very smart, creative female whos too busy to abide the intrusion of society.  These single eccentrics live longest and are the most productive. Being free, they can give the most to an orphaned and lost world.  The crone is the Biblical eunuch who is valued by God over  the married woman as she loves and takes her orders from God first, while the latter loves spouse and world for the worst. 




The inability to handle intrusion is a mark of genius and spiritualityit is the very private cerebrotonic or savant-autistic (socially separate wizard).   She wants only the company of God for none other compares.  Every moment is so packed with fascination  its rare the human who could distract  from this bliss.   


The married take orders from spouse and world, the single enjoy peace with God (all dreams unfurled).  Crones and singles enjoy life to the max--the carefree crone is simply someone who no more puts up with puffed-up, prideful, pitiful personalities.  That release few can ever know, for its knowing God instead.  Its the absence of being filled with dread, like the past social life she led.





Crones have a  detached capacity to love, uncorrupted  by need.  Far from lonely they have a great vocation as people instinctively flow in for divine wisdom. In contrast, those fearing age fall into a no-exit trap called avidya (ignorance) by the Hindus:  a state of unawareness. fearful contraction and clinging (to people and habits) that denies access to the future where all the glory lies. 


People who cant look ahead back into the future--moving onward while clinging to what is gone forever.   Backing into the future they see only dark failures, broken plans, regrets/resentments, unresolved and ruptured relationships--the emotional hot-spots darkening the moment.


Shutting off the future leaves nothing but physical decline.  Thats not the life of mine.  God packs in enjoyment to the very endthats my tend.  I look forward with glee as God increasingly glorifies me. 


Resisting the flow of time  while editing out signs of mortality leads to depression or a blank psychic field like Alzheimers Disease.  When you reject the truth you are forced to accept a lie--that youth is superior and that aging is sadly inferior.  Not so.


Paradoxically only conscious aging--accepting death--frees and releases our burden.  No more shame, guilt or fear of age, for this very acceptance of death releases true elder beauty and joy.  Fear brings wrinkles, the joy of acceptance brings translucency of complexion.   Her laughter brings health and cheer making her a dear as she dries the tear and quiets all fears. 




The denial of death is a safety factor in youth-save life at any cost as threats trigger the fight-flight response of adrenaline pumped through blood.  It serves in youth but interferes with eldering when we need only to contemplate, meditate and pray to encounter thanatos without panic. 


It is in the  facing of the terrors of aging and death as part of the spiritual journey that we find courage and wisdom.  In confronting death we gain a new orientation in life.  Purged of self-concern we awake to the splendors of the moment and little things:  flowers, birds, puppies,  friends. 


 Released from myopic self-interest and the terror of death we can now serve others.  Having been liberated  from youth-obsession we become future-oriented, discounting all bad images of old by showing the world our zest, joy, service and deep symbolic meaning to everything. 


Now free of panic the new-found energy pushes open  the happy door to elderhood.  We feel much better as the future opens.  But to enter this inner sanctuary we must review the past in a healthy light, by recontextualizing failures into successes, releasing resentments and reconnecting to unlived life we sacrificed on the way.




The main task of eldering is to reflect on the wealth of our past experiences.  Once life review is set off we have a kaleidoscope of  perceptions and revelations like bursts of exhilarated energy.  These are lucid sights, sounds and smells that so enrich experience that both life review and enjoying the moment become intense explorations.  


Eldering is the time of the receptive mode and all the joys of relating to eternity:  The phantasmagoria of our own rich history combined with sun-moon-stars. These powerful God-made forces were blocked out in the tunnel-vision of youths pursuits. 


t is the flame of accepted mortality which  opens this abundant life  as we can  now see the entire past differently,  just as the present--elemental reality of planets and angels--is transformed in our eyes.  Our era of conquering and enduring cold love is now over so we can see everything  in a brand new light.   Now the pain is gone we can see the good in all  while staying gentlea fawn walking tall.




God says my thoughts are not your thoughts.  We thought we were right but now see we were wrong.  We see how much betrayal and treachery were triggered by our own  sins.  We were blind to our own foibles which were clearly visible to others who reacted accordingly. 


In youth we jumped to conclusions now re-examined in maturity.  When young and vulnerable we saw the world as for or against us--a view reinforced by the hurts and betrayals conspicuous in mind.  As age brings breadth  these basic views are bashed as we see why they turned.  We must escape the prison of early conclusions for the facts were there  but my conclusions were wrong.



Its Jesus Answer to the hood


Parts of self are still stuck in past pain where stunted experience  cries to be healed.  Weve left home but the wounded child still weeps.  Set the prisoners free: It is inner repair which releases us from jail, for unresolved we always fail.  The past of strained relationships, sudden trauma and incorrigible irritants forced us into peculiar adaptations.


But when we see how these negatives  produced the real  successes of maturity we can now revisit them saying yes! to the pearls the paltry (even perverted) past pains imparted.  In all cases no matter what has occurred God turns all-bad to all-good for those who love Him (all bad history becomes blurred). Reviewing the past shows the true gains coming from loss:  the higher realm beyond guilt-ridden anxiety reveals the hidden benefits.


As mature adults looking back we can do reconstructive surgery on ourselves.   Free of the past and society--in synchrony with nature--weve become elves as dusty dank memories weve put on the shelves.   Instead we go deep inside--the domain into which every spiritual giant delves.




In True Maturity we can  see how our own sins removed the hedge protecting us from foes as evil flowed right in.  And all these years we blamed everybody else!  Or we see how openness to evil elements put us in exile--from ourselves, God and  His protections.   All we ever had to do  was just say NO to flesh and world--our people-tragedies were self-created.  Having swallowed that bitter pill we can now take total pleasure in the senses, free of all obsessive-compulsion.  True pleasure is non-compulsive!


I was bitter over destiny but now feel grateful to be alive having survived all the challenges of life.  Are you riddled with resentment?   Reframe your failures into success by giving testimony for lifes severest teachers:  list all the past foes and invite them back mentally thanking them for  good  coming from  bad. 


This alchemy--making gold on aging resentments--converts resentment into gratitude, acceptance and peace.  Youll be amazed at how it all fitshow they led to your divine best.  The worst in your life, the greatest losses of dignity led to your crest.  It is reframing the past and forgiveness which  fills you with zest. 




It is forgiveness which reformats the templates driving us wild.  Using the device of time-stretching we reach back to repair the hurts, broken promises, acts of betrayal and unhealed scars closing our hearts.  The grudge keeps us in the dark--there is no creativity, energy or jubilance here. 


Forgiveness reveals our own role in the dysfunction and thus  we  face our shadow--the despised, rejected inner self who trips us up. Self-forgiveness for unconsciously creating the toxic situation unites and then releases the foe as friend for greater life and love. 


Look back to the bad eras. Did your arrogant, stubborn behavior create conflicts?  Did the grasping nature of sin trigger cruel hatred in those closest?  Daily forgiveness facilitates life harvesting and release--lest they effect the immune system.  Reject resentment or fail and die.  Forgive, take the throne and prolong your life.



Return to Neanderthal: No one does more damage to eldering enlightenment and elevation than Howard Sterns types.   Admired and loved by uncouth youththey love young chicks but castigate the mature-lure.   Young beauty is an accident but older beauty is an achievement! Yet these types make the latter into a joke.  If this culture can ever mature we must remove his yoke.   To ridicule the older woman while making meat of the younger makes him a danger to society.  It isnt just sexual indecency but his ageist orientation,  his youthist coronation:  a very low vibration, the making of a degenerate nation.  All across the land men listen to Sterns hours in the day  then mimic cruel ageist remarks to females turning gray.   The whole second half of life which should be the most productive and useful he seeks to slay.  Return to our strong admired beginningsrecover the dignity of our great land:  Recover the clan, regain respect for the elders (you can!) and   return to how we began


Now because you faced death and reframed your history, youve extended your life accordingly