Satan is trashing relationships through the Spirit of Rejection.
These are old wounds from past pains:
Unions ripped apart become festering wounds destroying
all subsequent bonds.
Alienation, isolation, and fear of rejection
paralyzes the lonely like a plague as the ties knitting our lives have unraveled: Covenant love has grown cold,
replaced by casual contacts.
The tapestry of society is like a mass of
individual threads no longer woven together. Broken homes show
our inability to stay in meaningful relationships. In Cuba the divorce rate is
Ask any modern school teacher how many children have the same original parents. The answer is always
"hardly any." The feeling of abandonment hurts and all these kids suffer from
Even if you can't explain it we can feel this
painful reality in our souls. What is rejection and what does it do to
Rejection affects adults who are still carrying the scars of emotional, physical, or sexual
abuse. These men and women look normal but inside they are empty with terrible
insecurity, anger or fear.
Others are sitting on a ticking emotional
time-bomb of resentment and rebellion, just waiting to boil over into rage.
These unhealed scars make them incapable of entering into
committed, wholesome and long-term relationships.
Spirit of Rejection from Satan undermines the confidence of many Christians,
even interfering with true fellowship between friends. It is a lying
Rejection is the worst pain the human spirit can
suffer. Anyone who has been abandoned, abused or discriminated against
can relate to this anguish. Let's examine this assault from Satan so we
can recognize the mental oppression that hurts so much and ruins our lives.
spirit of rejection is the ingrained
script telling us we're unloved, unwanted or will never be good enough. This
worldview starting in childhood makes us strive to earn our acceptance:
we're driven to perform in order to be approved.
The rejection mindset makes us feel we're loved
for what we do
rather than who we are.
It is demeaning as it robs us of peace. The sad thing is that no amount of
achievement is ever enough to satisfy it.
In other people, the injustice of being treated
unfairly (rejected or disrespected) makes them boil over in anger. They quit
trying to fit in and rebel against everyone in an attempt to break out of the box being
forced on them.
In refusing to be a victim they may
victimize others. Resentment covers their soul like a dark shroud
as they wind up in an
emotional prison of their own making.
The mind-set of rejection is the result of
believing a lie: a syndrome of self-talk programmed with falsehoods
until in low self-esteem the victim says "Yes, it is true."
The lie becomes accepted when the victim agrees
with the accusations--as they become their own accuser by internalizing the
venom. They've closed their own door.
The deceit becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The victim begins to expect to be rejected and thus sabotages their own
This mental stronghold of rejection is so powerful
it will be torn down only when we find and believe in God's Word--the
truth rather than the "big lie".
Only God's truth can set us free and
connect us to His love which will cure our wounded souls. I know this pain
as felt in the gut, but through God Satan's door was shut!
The Wounds of Rejection
The spirit of rejection also refers to the residue within our personality from being deeply wounded.
It's like an ugly crust--the "wounded-gathering-thorns syndrome".
This mental or emotional scarring can occur due
to being neglected, abandoned or abused. Many women show scars of being
It can also come from being betrayed,
shamed, blamed or being made to feel unlovable. Luckily it's not irrevocable.
discrimination also leaves scars of rejection and also sexually abused children
suffer cruelly from this inner hurt.
Divorce can also leave a lingering, festering
wound as the fear of being rejected makes a person run from
new relationships: they are unconnected.
They reject others before they themselves are
rejected. They spiritually "stiff-arm" those who try to get close, though they
may be loved the most.
Just like flesh injury causes a bruise or a scar, so you can
injure the inner man by developing a
sensitive place or hardened area like a scab, always feeling less than.
When that irritated place gets touched, a
reaction occurs in what the Bible calls a "wounded spirit."
Whatever good happens, they fear it.
One symptom of a wounded spirit is feeling absolutely nothing--like you are dead inside.
Due to inner emptiness one can't ride God's joyous tide.
Another symptom is hypersensitivity in areas
making you explode at the slightest provocation. All these result in
an angry nation.
God's unconditional love, realized and received,
can cure this wound. You don't have to be an emotional slave in a
cave, thru God you can dance to a new tune.
The spirit of rejection is also a specific lying
spirit, a demonic messenger from Satan. We end up doing ridiculous things
as easily as a bird sings.
This spirit whispers cruel instructions while
that they are unloved, not wanted, or absurd as the
devil inflames other insecurities and fears.
This demon seeks to undermine the Christian's
true standing before the Father as a saved, cleansed, loved and redeemed child of God.
He does this by deceiving
the believer about God's love, the atoning work of the cross and our
righteousness in the eyes of our Father.
This lying spirit comes between family members
and divides brothers and sisters while making them feel angry, resentful and isolated.
The spirit of rejection pours gasoline on the
fires of racial hatred and male-female conflicts that could easily be resolved
This demon is very
successful in splitting up marriages, churches and partnerships. Just when
things are going perfectly, everything erupts.
These are vital relationships which the Holy
Spirit wants to restore: let God be the anchor then start a new life with
love and even more.
These relationships are also
the Body of Christ in order for God's work to be done. When in God's flow,
life is productive and fun.
Disunity--like divorce--often has this lying spirit as its agent
provocateur. These divisions become so hostile and cruel that victims take
detours, ending in the sewer.
The Spirit of Adoption
To understand the spirit of rejection, we need to
understand its opposite: the spirit of
adoption. We can be made whole again: that is thru God's election.
In the Bible, Romans
8 speaks of God's antidote to the spirit of rejection. Firstly, there is
no condemnation to those in Christ, despite all the crazy things you did
reacting to the spirit of strife.
This cure comes from our Heavenly Father through
the grace of Jesus. Thru the spirit of rejection we lost our
freeness but now life pleases us.
The Spirit of Adoption
is the Holy Spirit telling us that God loves us and accepts us.
We're in a new family, safe and protected at last. It's like a strong fort
amongst the mass.
Disorder and chaos.
Sin and suffering cause people to be cut off from
God and mistreat one another. "Is their wrath amongst you? Then there is
Many unsaved adults are mad at God or are so
deeply hurt they blame Him, not knowing it's Satan behind it all.
This resentment keeps them from feeling God's
love. Their image of God is wrong so they refuse to accept Him while using
themselves as a trash bin.
God's grace offers us pardon even while we are
angry and sinning. Turn to Him instead of herd past-times: this time
you'll be winning.
God knows we need to be healed of the
consequences of our sins and the injuries from others and our parents.
Just let Him do it, then gain adherents.
The spirit of adoption comes from heaven's
throne. It can also be mediated by unconditional acceptance through other
Christians--so nurture these relationships!
When we accept one another in Christ,
loving relationships in Christ's body are formed. Painful isolation is
over: hostile environments are gone.
The Holy Spirit connects us together and affirms
our self-worth so we're empowered to appreciate each other. In the
cold secular world we were smothered.
God's merciful provision for our healing comes by
Christ's atonement on the cross. All our sins are gone: they were
paid for by the Boss. Just do your work, it's embossed.
The glory is made real and effective in our lives when
we confess our sins and receive His forgiveness. Whatever we did and no matter
how often or recently, it's over: from ashes to beauty and aliveness.
Then the Holy Spirit comes into our heart and
testifies that we're now God's child. All forgotten: No matter what
we did in our spiteful anger, now we're saintly and mild.
He does this by bearing witness in our spirit
that we are adopted by God: the spirit of adoption occurs no matter what we
have done! Look at apostle Paul: he'd been a murderer on the run.
The spirit of adoption goes beyond believing that
God loves us--it's the actual felt love of God so we can know
God loves us. It ends loneliness forever: now anyone can become clever.
marvelous work of affirming who we are in Christ is the work of the Holy
Spirit--the Spirit of truth we must hang onto no matter what.
Ignore the world: you can feel it in your gut,
He only bears witness to what is true--testifying
that we are truly loved by God--so we may walk away from abusers:
cowardly men who make life hell for anyone close to them.
Rejection ruined our dignified election.
Correct thoughts will remove the soil of sin and confirm we are His
children, never condemning nor driving us away in shame and defection.
God will always tell us the truth in a merciful
way--not in a hurtful, painful and
rejecting way as men do. You'll find new friends so move away if you have
to: old systems made us blue.
Believing the truth about what Jesus did for us
and who we are in Christ sets us free. We need to
believe both aspects of the truth about Jesus and about ourselves.
The truth is God loves us in a tremendous
way. He embellishes our selfhood! But men ruled by Satan are users and
abusers--so instead of a happy, giggly, joyous life one ends up gloomy,
devalued, jealous, miserable and terrified--all because Satan lied.
Men riddled with their own scars project out and
their associates act accordingly. Write a recipe--what did YOU do to bring
it all on? For it's a SYSTEM in which Satan tore you to shreds: you
got addicted to meds [beer, wine, reds].
Satanic men misuse weak women.
She slides into hell as her life becomes miserable. Though the
relationship started loving unequal power balance shifts her into being
disabled. All kinds of illnesses abound, real or fabled. With God
and repentance, everyone is able.
God understands rejection and knows how to remedy
its pain. Christ was rejected when He came to His own people and they would not
receive Him. "He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive
him." (John 1:11). He endured rejection when He bore our sins. "He was
despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him
not." (Isaiah 53:3).
In other words, he specifically included in His
suffering the substitutionary pain which was required to relieve us of our
rejection. He bore it so we don't have to. On the cross He felt the pain of
being cut off from his heavenly Father. "My God, my God, why hast thou
forsaken me?" (Mt. 27:46).
Have you not felt this same thing when involved with undependable people?
To depend on them is like living on quicksand!
God understands your feelings. Therefore He can
be touched with your pain and is ready to heal you! "For we do not have a
high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who
has been tempted in every way, just as we are-- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with
confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time
of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16).
Here's how to diagnose if you suffer from the
spirit of rejection. Three areas to examine are circumstances, emotions, and
Let's start with your circumstances. Did you have an alcoholic parent? Were your parents divorced? Were you abused? Have you been abandoned or betrayed in marriage? Have you suffered from discrimination? Have you had to break away from a controlling
relationship? Have you been repeatedly devalued as a person?
If you fit any of these categories, then you could be a victim of the rejection
Now let's consider your emotional hot-buttons.
Do you have great difficulty receiving correction? Do you take it personally and
get offended? Do you resent all authority? Do you get angry for no apparent
Or, do you have an unnatural need for everyone to
like you? Does the need for approval control your decisions? Does insecurity
sweep over you? Are you plagued by chronic self-doubt? Do you wrestle with
chronic bouts of loneliness? At times, do you despair of life, or are you
tempted to take your own life? If so, then you probably battle rejection.
In addition to these diagnostic questions, ask
yourself this about your thought life: What kind of thoughts run
through your mind when you are with a group of people? Would you
characterize these thoughts as mostly negative or positive? The spirit of
rejection inserts these kinds of thoughts: "These people don't love me." "They
won't talk to me." I'm not worthy to be here." "I know they are judging me." "They don't really want me here." This is mental torment that typifies the
spirit of rejection.
Inner Healing & Deliverance
If these questions point to your problem as the
spirit of rejection, then you need to take it to God in prayer. If the problem
persists get someone to pray with you for deliverance.
But first realize this:
rejection often carries with it unforgiveness toward those who have offended
you. Though we've been an innocent victim we must take responsibility for our
We can't do away with our will and our choices or our
reactions. We can be sinned against, begin to cherish a grudge, and as a result sin against our oppressors. Unforgiveness is itself a
God's grace will enable you to make a choice, to
give forgiveness to all those against whom you hold grudges. This is important:
Freedom won't come without this vital step of forgiving others.
In this case, your forgiveness must be explicit,
by name, and it must be spoken aloud even if it is only to God, and even if it
is for someone who is now dead. That does not matter. God is the judge of the
living and the dead. Don't make any exceptions.
Don't allow any resentment to remain in your
heart. Healing begins with a decision to repent and to
give undeserved forgiveness.
Give away grace and God will give grace to you. Repent of all bitterness and hatred.
When forgiveness is totally accomplished, it
paves the way for successful inner healing. Inner healing is the actual curing
of your soul of the wounds and traumas you have suffered and accumulated.
GOD WILL MAKE
YOU WELL AND
The finger of God touches the sore spots and
makes them well. This is the transformation of the inner man, the
end to unrighteous reactions and automatic defenses. It is being at peace in
Christ. This inner healing must accompany deliverance. The place where
damaged emotions have given way to this mind-set of rejection must be torn down
or else deliverance will be merely temporary.
GOD WILL HEAL
FEAR AND PAIN
The house of your thought life must be swept and
cleaned, then occupied with God's reassuring truth and love. Determine to think
God's thoughts. This is a decision you must make in order to be free. Automatic
judgments, racial prejudices, and defensive reactions need to be removed. Take all negative thoughts captive. Don't let
them rule over your mind. Replace them with words and images of faith that come
from your heavenly Father.
Take God's thoughts, God's attitude, God's
will as your creed, not the words of this sinful world. Repeat what the Scriptures say until they replace
the lies you've heard. Soak in God's word and let it renew your mind.
Meditate on the Scriptures until faith, hope, and
self-acceptance fills your personality. This takes time but it is something you
can do for yourself.
Renounce the spirit of rejection and stand
against it. To renounce means to take a stand against something that you
previously totally identified with or had claim to. Like renouncing your citizenship, it is a legal
action that has power to affect your status. Pray aloud and say with your own
words that rejection will not rule over you.
Instead, ask God for His fatherly affirmation.
Ask God to give you the spirit of
adoption. Every child needs to hear their
father's voice saying, "You're mine and I love you!"
After you've prayed against rejection, read the
Scriptures, especially the New Testament. They teach us our new identity in
Christ, to "lay aside the old self" and "be renewed in the spirit of your mind." (Eph.
Replace Satan's lies with God's word. Soak your thoughts
in the truth of who God is, what He has done for you and who you are in Christ.
Banish all self-doubts. Tell yourself the truth until you truly believe it. Find
new friends in Christ who affirm you and love you with God's love. "See how
great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called the
children of God." I John 3:1.
God loves us so much He accepts us just as we
are! Yet, He loves us too much to leave us like we are, for the tension between
acceptance of our plight and transformation causes painful contradictions as we
see all that we've done and denial lifts: but God wants us happy. So He
removes our sins as far as east is from west--in the deepest part of ocean and
the sign reads: "don't go fishing".
God tells us the truth about ourselves so that He
can build us up not put us down. He debunks to reconstruct, and his love is full of
happy light. He first illuminates our
hurt areas--then he heals them.
Having the light hit our injured heart may seem
painful at first. But Biblical repentance always leads to pain realization then restoration.
That's the nature of our wonderful Lord: He is a true redeemer.
Our Father in heaven knows we cannot change
ourselves. So, He credits us with the worthiness of Christ while He works
on us to conform to Christ's image. Here is where we learn to believe the
right thing, and a result, to have the right feelings and to behave properly.
The cross is our exchange post. At the cross of
Christ we exchange our sins for His righteousness, our failure for His success,
our guilt for His holiness. And all the while God wants to surround us with
other transformed believers who can help us make the journey.
One part of our Father's plan is the community of
believers. Here is where we learn to belong in the body of Christ. God wants to
plant us in a place that will help us stay well. Here, we experience God's love
through human hands.
"Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God
has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Rom. 5:5 NAS).
God's kind of love constantly believes the best. It is always
filled with hope and encouragement. God's love has a vertical dimension between
God and us. It also has a horizontal dimension between us and others.
The essence of Christian community is our
acceptance in brothers and sisters in Christ. "Wherefore,
accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God."
(Romans 15:7) Unfortunately some churches are sick with petty social hierarchies
or legalism. Some groups
emphasize individualism so much that no one ever thinks to love one another or
to build Christian community.
It is important for Christians who are recovering
from a spirit of rejection to belong to a church which is not contaminated by an
atmosphere of criticism. That error results in an emphasis on law instead of
grace. According to Romans 7 this defeats the purpose of grace and aggravates
Instead we need to walk in the grace that
sets us free by virtue of Christ's complete atonement and His indwelling
presence in our lives. The church should be a place where it is safe to be a
sinner on the way to being saved: where we feel loved even when we know we
are still weak and imperfect.
God's Word prevails over the spirit of rejection.
The Father's mercy, poured out by the Holy Spirit in the church, affirms for us
God's love and acceptance.
Karen Kellock Ph.D.