Satan is trashing relationships through the Spirit of Rejection.

These are old wounds from past pains:  Unions ripped apart become festering wounds destroying all subsequent bonds. 


Alienation, isolation, and fear of rejection paralyzes the lonely like a plague as the  ties knitting our lives have unraveled: Covenant love has grown cold, replaced by casual contacts.

The tapestry of society is like a mass of individual threads no longer woven together. Broken homes show  our inability to stay in meaningful relationships. In Cuba the divorce rate is 78%.

Ask any modern school teacher how many children have the same original parents. The answer is always "hardly any." The feeling of abandonment hurts and all these kids suffer from rejection.


Even if you can't explain it we can feel this painful  reality in our souls. What is rejection and what does it do to people?

Rejection affects adults who are  still carrying the scars of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. These men and women look normal but inside they are empty with terrible insecurity, anger or fear.

Others are sitting on a ticking emotional time-bomb of resentment and rebellion, just waiting to boil over into rage. These unhealed scars make them  incapable of entering into committed, wholesome and long-term relationships.

The Spirit of Rejection  from Satan undermines the confidence of many Christians, even interfering  with true fellowship between friends. It is a lying dark spirit-- remember that!


Rejection is the worst pain the human spirit can suffer. Anyone who has been abandoned, abused or discriminated against can relate to this anguish. Let's examine this assault from Satan so we can recognize the mental oppression that hurts so much and ruins our lives.

A Mind-Set of Rejection

First, the spirit of rejection is the ingrained script  telling us we're unloved, unwanted or will never be good enough. This worldview starting in childhood makes us strive to earn our acceptance: we're driven to perform in order to be approved.

The rejection mindset makes us feel we're loved for what we do rather than  who we are. It is demeaning as it robs us of  peace. The sad thing is that no amount of achievement is ever enough to satisfy it.

In other people, the injustice of being treated unfairly (rejected or disrespected) makes them boil over in anger. They quit trying to fit in and rebel against everyone in an attempt to  break out of the box being forced on them.

In refusing to be a victim they may victimize others. Resentment covers their soul like a dark shroud as they wind up in an emotional prison of their own making.

The mind-set of rejection is the result of believing a lie: a syndrome of self-talk programmed with falsehoods until in  low self-esteem the victim says   "Yes, it is true."

The lie becomes accepted when the victim agrees with the accusations--as they become their own accuser by internalizing the venom.  They've closed their own door.

The deceit becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The victim begins to expect to be rejected and thus sabotages their own relationships.

This mental stronghold of rejection is so powerful it will  be torn down only when we find and believe in God's Word--the truth rather than the "big lie".

Only God's truth can set us free and  connect us to His love which will cure our wounded souls. I know this pain  as felt in the gut, but through God  Satan's door was shut!

The Wounds of Rejection

The spirit of rejection also refers to the residue within our personality from being deeply wounded.  It's like an ugly crust--the "wounded-gathering-thorns syndrome".

This mental or emotional scarring can occur due to being neglected, abandoned or abused.  Many women show scars of being used.

It can also come from being betrayed,  shamed, blamed or being made to feel unlovable. Luckily it's not irrevocable.

Political discrimination also leaves scars of rejection and also sexually abused children  suffer cruelly from this inner hurt. 

Divorce can also leave a lingering, festering wound as the   fear of being rejected  makes a person run from new relationships:  they are unconnected.

They reject others before they themselves are rejected. They spiritually "stiff-arm" those who try to get close, though they may be loved the most.

Just like flesh injury causes a bruise or a scar, so you can injure the inner man by developing a sensitive place or hardened area like a scab, always feeling less than.

When that irritated place gets touched, a reaction occurs in what the Bible calls  a "wounded spirit."  Whatever good happens, they fear it.

One symptom of a wounded spirit is feeling absolutely nothing--like you are dead inside.  Due to inner emptiness one can't ride God's joyous tide.

Another symptom is hypersensitivity in areas making you explode at the slightest provocation.   All these result in an angry nation.

God's unconditional love, realized and received, can cure this wound.   You don't have to be an emotional slave in a cave, thru God you can dance to a new tune.


A Lying Spirit called Rejection


The spirit of rejection is also a specific lying spirit, a demonic messenger from Satan.  We end up doing ridiculous things as easily as a bird sings.

This spirit whispers cruel instructions while accusing that they are unloved, not wanted, or absurd as the devil inflames other insecurities and fears.

This demon seeks to undermine the Christian's true standing before the Father as a saved, cleansed, loved and redeemed child of God.

He does this by deceiving the believer about God's love, the atoning work of the cross and our righteousness in the eyes of our Father.

This lying spirit comes between family members and divides brothers and sisters while making them feel angry, resentful and isolated.

The spirit of rejection pours gasoline on the fires of racial hatred and male-female conflicts  that could easily be resolved with maturity.

This demon is very successful in splitting up marriages, churches and partnerships.  Just when things are going perfectly, everything erupts.

These are vital relationships which the Holy Spirit wants to restore:  let God be the anchor then start a new life with love and even more.

These relationships are also  necessary in the Body of Christ in order for God's work to be done.  When in God's flow, life is productive and fun.

Disunity--like divorce--often has this lying spirit as its agent provocateur.  These divisions become so hostile and cruel that victims take detours, ending in the sewer.


The Spirit of Adoption

To understand the spirit of rejection, we need to understand its opposite: the spirit of adoption.  We can be made whole again:  that is thru God's election. 

In the Bible, Romans 8 speaks of God's antidote to the spirit of rejection.  Firstly, there is no condemnation to those in Christ, despite all the crazy things you did reacting to the spirit of strife.

This cure comes from our Heavenly Father through the grace of  Jesus.  Thru the spirit of rejection we lost our freeness but now life pleases us.

The Spirit of Adoption is the Holy Spirit telling us that God  loves us and accepts us.  We're in a new family, safe and protected at last.  It's like a strong fort amongst the mass.

Disorder and chaos. Sin and suffering cause people to be cut off from God and mistreat one another. "Is their wrath amongst you?  Then there is sin." 

Many unsaved adults are mad at God or are so deeply hurt  they blame Him, not knowing it's  Satan behind it all.

This resentment keeps them from feeling God's love. Their image of God is wrong so they refuse to accept Him while using themselves as a trash bin.

God's grace offers us pardon even while we are angry and sinning.  Turn to Him instead of herd past-times: this time you'll be winning.

God knows we need to be healed of the consequences of our sins and the injuries from others and our  parents.  Just let Him do it, then gain adherents.

The spirit of adoption comes from heaven's throne. It can also be mediated by unconditional acceptance through other Christians--so nurture these relationships!

When we accept one another in Christ, loving relationships in Christ's body are formed.  Painful isolation is over: hostile environments are gone.

The Holy Spirit connects us together and affirms our self-worth so we're empowered to appreciate each other.   In the cold secular world we were smothered.

God's merciful provision for our healing comes by Christ's atonement on the cross.  All our sins are gone:  they were paid for by the Boss.  Just do your work, it's embossed.

The glory is made real and effective in our lives when we confess our sins and receive His forgiveness. Whatever we did and no matter how often or recently, it's over: from ashes to beauty and aliveness.

Then the Holy Spirit comes into our heart and testifies that we're now  God's child.  All forgotten: No matter what we did in our spiteful anger, now we're saintly and mild.

He does this by bearing witness in our spirit that we are adopted by God: the spirit of adoption occurs no matter what we have done!  Look at apostle Paul:  he'd been a murderer on the run.

The spirit of adoption goes beyond believing that God loves us--it's the  actual felt love of God so we can  know God loves us. It ends loneliness forever:  now anyone can become clever.

This marvelous work of affirming who we are in Christ is the work of the Holy Spirit--the Spirit of truth we must hang onto no matter what.  Ignore the world: you can feel it in your gut,

He only bears witness to what is true--testifying that we are  truly loved by God--so we may walk away from  abusers:  cowardly men who make life hell for anyone close to them.

Rejection ruined our dignified election.  Correct thoughts will remove the soil of sin and confirm we are  His children, never condemning nor driving us away in shame and defection.

God will always tell us the truth in a merciful way--not in a hurtful, painful and rejecting way as men do.  You'll find new friends so move away if you have to:  old systems made us blue.

Believing the truth about what Jesus did for us and who we are in Christ sets us free. We need to believe both aspects of the truth about Jesus and about ourselves.



The truth is God loves  us in a tremendous way.  He embellishes our selfhood! But men ruled by Satan are users and abusers--so instead of a happy, giggly, joyous life one ends up gloomy, devalued, jealous, miserable and terrified--all because Satan lied.

Men riddled with their own scars project out and their associates act accordingly.  Write a recipe--what did YOU do to bring it all on?  For it's a SYSTEM in which Satan tore you to shreds:  you got addicted to meds [beer, wine, reds].

Satanic men misuse weak women.  She slides into hell as her life becomes miserable.   Though the relationship started loving unequal power balance shifts her into being disabled.  All kinds of illnesses abound, real or fabled.  With God and repentance, everyone is able.


Recovering From Rejection by Monsters

God understands rejection and knows how to remedy its pain. Christ was rejected when He came to His own people and they would not receive Him. "He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him." (John 1:11).  He endured rejection when He bore our sins. "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not." (Isaiah 53:3).

In other words, he specifically included in His suffering the substitutionary pain which was required to relieve us of our rejection. He bore it so we don't have to. On the cross He felt the pain of being cut off from his heavenly Father. "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Mt. 27:46).   Have you not felt this same thing when involved with undependable people?  To depend on them is like living on quicksand!

God understands your feelings. Therefore He can be touched with your pain and is ready to heal you! "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-- yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16).

Diagnosing Rejection

Here's how to diagnose if you suffer from the spirit of rejection. Three areas to examine are circumstances, emotions, and thoughts.

Let's start with your circumstances. Did you have an alcoholic parent? Were your parents divorced? Were you abused? Have you been abandoned or betrayed in marriage? Have you suffered from discrimination? Have you had to break away from a controlling relationship? Have you been repeatedly devalued as a person? If you fit any of these categories, then you could be a victim of the rejection syndrome.

Now let's consider your emotional hot-buttons. Do you have great difficulty receiving correction? Do you take it personally and get offended? Do you resent all authority? Do you get angry for no apparent reason?

Or, do you have an unnatural need for everyone to like you? Does the need for approval control your decisions? Does insecurity sweep over you? Are you plagued by chronic self-doubt? Do you wrestle with chronic bouts of loneliness? At times, do you despair of life, or are you tempted to take your own life? If so, then you probably battle rejection.

In addition to these diagnostic questions, ask yourself this about your thought life: What kind of thoughts run through your mind when you are with a group of people? Would you characterize these thoughts as mostly negative or positive? The spirit of rejection inserts these kinds of thoughts: "These people don't love me." "They won't talk to me." I'm not worthy to be here." "I know they are judging me." "They don't really want me here." This is mental torment that typifies the spirit of rejection.

Inner Healing & Deliverance

If these questions point to your problem as the spirit of rejection, then you need to take it to God in prayer. If the problem persists get someone to pray with you for deliverance.  But first realize this: rejection often carries with it unforgiveness toward those who have offended you.  Though we've been an innocent victim we must take responsibility  for our reactions now.

We can't do away with our will and our choices or our reactions. We can be sinned against, begin to cherish a grudge, and as a result sin against our oppressors.  Unforgiveness is itself a deadly sin.

God's grace will enable you to make a choice, to give forgiveness to all those against whom you hold grudges. This is important:  Freedom won't come without this vital step of forgiving others.

In this case, your forgiveness must be explicit, by name, and it must be spoken aloud even if it is only to God, and even if it is for someone who is now dead. That does not matter. God is the judge of the living and the dead. Don't make any exceptions.

Don't allow any resentment to remain in your heart. Healing begins with a decision to repent and to give undeserved forgiveness. Give away grace and God will give grace to you. Repent of all bitterness and hatred.

When forgiveness is totally accomplished, it paves the way for successful inner healing. Inner healing is the actual curing of your soul of the wounds and traumas you have suffered and accumulated.


The finger of God touches the sore spots and makes them well. This is the transformation of the inner man, the end to unrighteous reactions and automatic defenses. It is being at peace in Christ.  This inner healing must accompany deliverance. The place where damaged emotions have given way to this mind-set of rejection must be torn down or else deliverance will be merely temporary.


The house of your thought life must be swept and cleaned, then occupied with God's reassuring truth and love. Determine to think God's thoughts.  This is a decision you must make in order to be free. Automatic judgments, racial prejudices, and defensive reactions need to be removed. Take all negative thoughts captive. Don't let them rule over your mind. Replace them with words and images of faith that come from your heavenly Father.

Take God's thoughts, God's attitude, God's will as your creed, not the words of this sinful world.  Repeat what the Scriptures say until they replace the lies you've heard. Soak in God's word and let it renew your mind.

Meditate on the Scriptures until faith, hope, and self-acceptance fills your personality. This takes time but it is something you can do for yourself.

Renounce the spirit of rejection and stand against it. To renounce means to take a stand against something that you previously totally identified with or had claim to. Like renouncing your citizenship, it is a legal action that has power to affect your status. Pray aloud and say with your own words that rejection will not rule over you.

Instead, ask God for His fatherly affirmation. Ask God to give you the spirit of adoption. Every child needs to hear their father's voice saying, "You're mine and I love you!"

After you've prayed against rejection, read the Scriptures, especially the  New Testament. They teach us our new identity in Christ, to "lay aside the old self" and "be renewed in the spirit of your mind." (Eph. 4:22)

Replace Satan's lies with God's word. Soak your thoughts in the truth of who God is, what He has done for you and who you are in Christ. Banish all self-doubts. Tell yourself the truth until you truly believe it. Find new friends in Christ who affirm you and love you with God's love. "See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called the children of God." I John 3:1.

Recovering in Community

God loves us so much He accepts us just as we are! Yet, He loves us too much to leave us like we are, for the tension between acceptance of our plight and transformation causes painful contradictions as we see all that we've done and denial lifts: but God wants us happy.  So He removes our sins as far as east is from west--in the deepest part of ocean and the sign reads: "don't go fishing".

God tells us the truth about ourselves so that He can build us up not put us down. He debunks to reconstruct, and his love is full of happy light. He first illuminates our hurt areas--then he heals them.

Having the light hit our injured heart may seem painful at first. But Biblical repentance always leads to pain realization then restoration. That's the nature of our wonderful Lord:  He is a true redeemer.

Our Father in heaven knows we cannot change ourselves. So, He credits us with the worthiness of Christ while He works on us to conform to Christ's image. Here is where we learn to believe the right thing, and a result, to have the right feelings and to behave properly.

The cross is our exchange post. At the cross of Christ we exchange our sins for His righteousness, our failure for His success, our guilt for His holiness. And all the while God wants to surround us with other transformed believers who can help us make the journey.

One part of our Father's plan is the community of believers. Here is where we learn to belong in the body of Christ. God wants to plant us in a place that will help us stay well. Here, we experience God's love through human hands.

"Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Rom. 5:5 NAS). God's kind of love constantly believes the best. It is always filled with hope and encouragement. God's love has a vertical dimension between God and us. It also has a horizontal dimension between us and others.

The essence of Christian community is our acceptance in brothers and sisters in Christ. "Wherefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God." (Romans 15:7) Unfortunately some churches are sick with petty social hierarchies or legalism. Some groups emphasize individualism so much that no one ever thinks to love one another or to build Christian community.

It is important for Christians who are recovering from a spirit of rejection to belong to a church which is not contaminated by an atmosphere of criticism. That error results in an emphasis on law instead of grace. According to Romans 7 this defeats the purpose of grace and aggravates our failures.

Instead we need to walk in the grace that sets us free by virtue of Christ's complete atonement and His indwelling presence in our lives. The church should be a place where it is safe to be a sinner on the way to being saved: where we feel loved even when we know we are still weak and imperfect.

God's Word prevails over the spirit of rejection. The Father's mercy, poured out by the Holy Spirit in the church, affirms for us God's love and acceptance.

Karen Kellock Ph.D.